"We all lose it sometimes. The trick is not accepting that you have to stay lost."

--I wrote this after a long period of just non-stop stressful situations with family, friends, and an ex. From all sides and I needed to let off some steam. I've tried to make sure I've been decent and kind as much as possible. Even when I was little, I'd watch how people behaved, treated others, and it just got to me. I'm very chill, a bit of an introvert, a goofy jokey playful type. Fighting and arguing, I'm not as thick skinned as I probably should be for the times. I get overwhelmed and I feel guilty just being a part of an argument. I wait until I calm down and go apologize to the person I was fighting with.
I've pretty much become ambiguphobic from how much people will twist anything you say or don't say into a straw man, and then attack you based on that figment of their imagination they've invented to feel good about themselves. So, I end up typing a lot. I get "TL;DR" so often online it's normal lol. "Thanks, Twitter! Now anything past a138 characters is a massive chore/torture." Anyway, roll angry emo time!--


(Unchanged, copy/pasted)
August 19, 2011

The world is my oyster :) well may it burn in flames because i'm sick of people being so negatively predictable,its all getting old and can go to hell. I need to just start being mean and selfish towards most people.trying to be understanding and nice doesn't matter, you'll start being treated no differently than the real assholes that are out there outnumbering nice 10-1. everyone's USED to mean and selfish, because they're surrounded by others like that and then they want to be that way to. So niceness is rare, yet still treated like its useless :D I try to stay nice, calm, trusting, good son,good boyfriend, good friend, etc but it's starting to feel like it just means you're smiling and willing to trust as long as you can, riiiiiight before they kick you while you're down or they're done using you in some way. I don't know what I'm saying anymore lol stick a fork in my brain, its overcooked and ready for some A1 =P I wish to find one day at least one person that when they see you're already sad or upset they have to find a reason why they are worse than you, or even try to say you're responsible for why they feel so horrid to make sure you feel bad about it even if you didn't know or couldn't help it, or its your fault that they did this and that. take some freakin responsibility for your actions! don't try to blame other people for the mean or selfish things you do! if you did it, YOU did it! nobody made you do it or make you say it, you did it because you were being selfish and mean and didn't care, PERIOD! I see it everyday, I try to stop it or try to lure into a better way to do it and I become the focus of all the blah. when will I ever learn :) most people don't change, but it seems like when they do, they usually do it to benefit themselves only :) hurray for epiphany brain storm type moments!!! yaaaaaay!  I don't even know if I'm making sense anymore xD I'm just ranting to release energy in some way. I don't feel well, I've got a headache, I'm bored I'm upset and angry, sad and tired of all this. have a good day, and enjoy hell :)