Broken But Mostly Unbroken - Dealing with family with mental illness

Hello, anyone who happens to read this. My name is Mark. I'm writing this as a way to vent, help keep me busy,  and express a family and personal issue that's pretty much psychologically took its toll on me.

My aunt and uncle are both mentally ill, and have been for years. They were fine once upon a time, but now.. Let's get started from the beginning. .

My aunt and uncle had a place that was left to them by a preacher or pastor. But this wasn't just your average psalm and sin peddler. He was also a legal marijuana grower and dealer. When he passed, I guess he left his house and complete growing farm in it to them to keep growing legal bud. They lived in it for a few years, keeping it cookin' as it were. My uncle was already a bud smoker so it fit him nicely, thus the reason the preacher chose him.
Like any smart person, running a guaranteed money maker as far as I know, you should put money aside in case of emergencies. They didn't. Someone broke into their basement cellar and stole all their plants, the main farm. This is when my story begins.

They called us, saying their power was out for a few days and asked if they could stay a few nights. We had just moved into a bigger place, a room for my parents, sister, and I from a  place with just two bedrooms. We hadn't even gotten everything unpacked, but my mum thought "sure! Why not? What's the worst that could happen?" forgetting everything we knew about them from the past.
Sure enough, it was a deception. They showed up with suitcases of clothes, saying "just in case", but it was apparent to me they were lying and deceiving us. It's whey they seemed to do best besides the occasional paranoia of the government spying on my aunt through the cable and house intercoms. I tried to explain it to my mum, but she didn't get it until they basically said after the fourth day or so "oh yeah! We didn't just lose our power, we spent all the extra money we had instead of keeping it for an emergency. We haven't paid our rent for two months and must vacate. Thanks for letting us live here." :|

I ended up having to drive or with my uncle, massive pot head with mental illness, and help him move stuff out into storage for several days. One day he flipped out because he misplaced his "sustenance" (aka candy bars and such), smoked more than usual, and passed out, leaving me to do put stuff in the truck. I even wrote on Facebook and texted friends to relay a message to my family to see of someone could come get me since I was miles and miles away with no vehicle of my own or idea how to get back. I eventually had to yell at him to get his ass up and we were done, period, I'm not helping again.

They lived with us for a few months. Then my uncle decided he'd been here long enough to be obnoxious, threatened me when I told him to stop freaking out over not being able to find his lighter to smoke a bowl. Saying to my sleeping aunt "maybe if I splatter brains on the wall people would listen to me." as I said, he threatened me after that,  and my dad snap to "What did you say?" -I wasn't talking to you- "Well I'm talking to you. Get your clothes and get the hell out of my house. NOW!" Uncle out, but not gone. Harassed almost daily for two years with me standing sentinel outside telling him to leave for most of the day. Record time being on a May 4th at around 10pm (when my dad went to work late shift-he waited for him to leave-) to Cinco de Mayo the next day to 2-3pm with Jaggermeister. Leaving for five minutes and coming back to harass, swear, talk nonsense with the neighbors kids playing who were made to go inside. Image that for 1-2 years.

Then, on top of that, my aunt slowly went deeper and deeper into her mental illness. My mum can't really deal with her, and my sister was a young teen and shouldn't have to deal with her. My dad works nightshift and he needed to sleep during the day. So, I felt I had no choice, and took it as my responsibility to deal with them both so everyone else could relax a bit.. I dont think I'm going to recover from the last several years.
Him all day harassing until he left, back and forth in between making sure my aunt wasn't freaking out or hurting someone or herself. Stayed up most of the night having to stop my aunt from screaming at people who weren't there, her kids in another state, people that are trying to kill her, running to the neighbors saying there was a bomb(er) or killer with a gun who murderer us all including her. Had to hide the phones, apologize to the neighbors, the police, the ambulance people. It got to the point. We had to hide the phones and I slept on the floor in front of the front door with large buckets of paint we had at my back so she couldn't just step over me and go out the door. During winter, she walked out into the street when it was below freezing in pajamas and socks, talking to non existent people about bombs. This was every day, and and only remember a few times she slept the entire day after staying awake for three days getting worse and worse.

She assaulted my mom and sister over the phone. She got taken away in cuffs, but my mum told them she needs medical help, so they put her in an ambulance. Still had court, which she refused to go to and the judge just tossed it all out because of it. They tricked their way back in the house saying they would leave when their SS check went into the bank, refused to leave, called the place to make it seem like they were in the right. They refused to leave, she turned the mental illness up farthest she ever had before when they showed up. The policed talked down to us, basically telling us we were horrible people, said they didn't care about the past assault, didn't care about anything that happened in the past, that they lied their way into the house and refused to leave. Guess what they told us? Guess? You'll never guess it. They told us that because we LET THEM IN THE DOOR, they had a RIGHT to stay if they didn't want to leave. They told us the ONLY way they could force them to leave, force them to leave OUR house where they didn't live, was if we had a restraining order or gave them an OFFICIAL vacate notice to leave within two weeks. So if you live in Shoreline, Washington or the surrounding area, watch out. Don't let anyone into your house that you don't want to stick around. The police here will tell you they have a right to stay in your home if you let them inside.
(Note-Even a few other officers from different interactions where she went wandering into another district area with different police, said that Shoreline was seen a bit like the black sheep to other police stations. There are good officers and I've met them. They're not all bad and it might be just our luck. )

Years of this. No help. When she managed to call 911 for an ambulance, she refused to go with them. So they left her after explaining she needed help, medical help,  and we (mostly me) were losing our minds.
She had gotten hit by a car the year prior, and she received a $30k settlement. She had gotten to a doctor (fucking finally!) who gave her meds making her lucid for a month, but she had to go back each month to get a refill and an injection.. Month 2, she didn't go. She spent all of the $30k at the casino, giving it to friends, her and my uncle didn't use one cent of it to fix their situation permanently and get a place. She showed up a day or so before Christmas,  my mum let her in again and she stayed with us again.. Refusing to go to the doctor to get her meds, obscenities screamed at us, threats, and what was the final straw that finally broke my sanity and my ability to care about where she is or what is going on with her, she said something that was just it. The end, don't care, done trying to help her after years of blood, sweat,  and literal tears of trying to help her and get her help.. She told me I raped and murdered my ex girlfriend. One of my exes, someone I cared deeply for and loved very much even though they seemed to not care less about me after things played out, she was raped and shot at a bonfire I decided not to go to,to given her space. She died in ICU a few weeks after her 16th birthday. To hear those words from her mouth.. Done, the end. To never see her again would be too soon.
She was gone soon after. Never to step foot in our home.. Until my mum did it again..
She stops by once a month to get her SS check since she doesn't have a residence and refuses to get help. Last month she let her in, a few days later she tried to walk in because she's a "give an inch, take a mile" person. I had to put my foot in front of the door as she tried to push herself in. I knew she would do it. I waiting outside looking at the mailbox waiting so she could taken it and leave.
The years of dealing with my aunt and uncle, many situations I haven't mentioned here, have psychologically scarred me. Seeing them, hearing their voice, just hearing their names now set me into instant panic attacks where I have trouble breathing, my heart pounds, my chest hurts and feels hollow, nausea, shaking, fear..  She's here again.. Tonight June 7th 2015. Refusing to leave.. Sitting outside the house on the ground. I'm standing sentinel on the porch to make sure she doesn't come up here.. I'm close to breaking down again, writing this as a way to keep myself mentally occupied.

Some might think my family and I are heartless. Some might think "hey, they're mentally ill. Not their fault." It doesn't matter. Ask my friends, I think they might say I'm one of the nicest people. Caring, considerate, thoughtful, one heard it more than a few times. But I seriously can't deal with this all over again. When it comes to people, even my enemies, I'd rather suffer than hurt others or lie or anything like that. When it comes to being nice to practically everyone, I'm unbroken. When it comes to them? I have no choice but to be broken to save myself. And I hope people understand.

Thank you to all who read this all the way through. Don't think many will.

"We all lose it sometimes. The trick is not accepting that you have to stay lost."

--I wrote this after a long period of just non-stop stressful situations with family, friends, and an ex. From all sides and I needed to let off some steam. I've tried to make sure I've been decent and kind as much as possible. Even when I was little, I'd watch how people behaved, treated others, and it just got to me. I'm very chill, a bit of an introvert, a goofy jokey playful type. Fighting and arguing, I'm not as thick skinned as I probably should be for the times. I get overwhelmed and I feel guilty just being a part of an argument. I wait until I calm down and go apologize to the person I was fighting with.
I've pretty much become ambiguphobic from how much people will twist anything you say or don't say into a straw man, and then attack you based on that figment of their imagination they've invented to feel good about themselves. So, I end up typing a lot. I get "TL;DR" so often online it's normal lol. "Thanks, Twitter! Now anything past a138 characters is a massive chore/torture." Anyway, roll angry emo time!--


(Unchanged, copy/pasted)
August 19, 2011

The world is my oyster :) well may it burn in flames because i'm sick of people being so negatively predictable,its all getting old and can go to hell. I need to just start being mean and selfish towards most people.trying to be understanding and nice doesn't matter, you'll start being treated no differently than the real assholes that are out there outnumbering nice 10-1. everyone's USED to mean and selfish, because they're surrounded by others like that and then they want to be that way to. So niceness is rare, yet still treated like its useless :D I try to stay nice, calm, trusting, good son,good boyfriend, good friend, etc but it's starting to feel like it just means you're smiling and willing to trust as long as you can, riiiiiight before they kick you while you're down or they're done using you in some way. I don't know what I'm saying anymore lol stick a fork in my brain, its overcooked and ready for some A1 =P I wish to find one day at least one person that when they see you're already sad or upset they have to find a reason why they are worse than you, or even try to say you're responsible for why they feel so horrid to make sure you feel bad about it even if you didn't know or couldn't help it, or its your fault that they did this and that. take some freakin responsibility for your actions! don't try to blame other people for the mean or selfish things you do! if you did it, YOU did it! nobody made you do it or make you say it, you did it because you were being selfish and mean and didn't care, PERIOD! I see it everyday, I try to stop it or try to lure into a better way to do it and I become the focus of all the blah. when will I ever learn :) most people don't change, but it seems like when they do, they usually do it to benefit themselves only :) hurray for epiphany brain storm type moments!!! yaaaaaay!  I don't even know if I'm making sense anymore xD I'm just ranting to release energy in some way. I don't feel well, I've got a headache, I'm bored I'm upset and angry, sad and tired of all this. have a good day, and enjoy hell :)

An Unlike Savior --Part of a Dream 1:53am/2.19.2014

Quick post(lol "yeah right..", I know. Quick to me) It's about a dream I had just a bit ago, another freaky as moment in the dream that made me wake up and check myself ha

Quick setting of dream- Tropical island or just an area that appears to be. I'm with several people. I remember running, jumping, wrestling struggle, hit a tree pretty hard with my chest mostly my left side around where the last 3 ribs are. I over calculated how hard to jumping off and wham. I thought I broke a rib.
We got away. Can still remember the heat/cold from the air, sweat, exhaustion. We went for hours.
I woke up on my back. Ground had some long feather shaped wilting leaves, body feeling sore as hell. My chest hurt the most. Had a quick flash of hitting the tree with my chest, most of it was a blur. Two women were sitting backs against a tree leaning on each other, out cold. A darker skin guy with short dreads had a cut down his arm that looked mostly to had stopped bleeding. Saw a quick flash of hitting that tree again
Chest tightened up in a spasm and I groaned a little. It woke the guy up.
The guy told me to lie still in some sort of accent I couldn't make out. "An hour or two more. You are a lucky to hit tree howhere you did so." Flash to hitting tree again but it was clearer. The tree had a dark spot on it. Chest tensed up painfully and I groaned louder. The guy got leather straps or something I don't know what it was, but he put it in my mouth to bite on, holding my arms telling me I need to let it be until it's finished. Another string of muscle tenses and sharp pain woke the girls up sluggishly yelling at him to let me go, I was in and out, but whatever he said or did made them help him. One of the women were crying Sharpest pain yet happened and it faded to black.
I woke up. My chest was sore and still stinging, but not as bad it was. I felt like I'd been asleep for days. The girls were leaning against the same tree. The guy was against a tree closer to where I was than the previous one. I rolled onto
my right side avoiding anything touching my left ribs. Didn't help much. I walked out towards the water. By the sun, it was either sunrise or sunset, waited a bit to see it was lighting up, it was morning. Another slight pinch in my chest, made me sssss but not groan. More of a nuisance paper cut now. Felt my chest move or something move on it. I said "what the fuck is that" under my breath, which somehow woke the guy up or maybe he was awake and I didn't notice. I lifted my shirt up to see something of a dark black spot looking like moving dirt or ants, and what looked to be really small larvae of some sort. The guy grabbed my arms and expected me to flip out(I was about to) said something about cleaning the wound and that I was lucky to land on a nest of them as I did because the broke branch that stuck me between my ribs would have caused me to bleed a lot and more than likely get an infection. said something about their saliva having anti-biotic properties, that when they attach to an animal, they live off clotted blood. They bite to make the blood flow which they ingest, mix it with their saliva, spit a little out. ingest until platelets thicken it. The they start piling it together (the dark dirt).

Eventually I do rip it off, it hurt, and was crazy to see let alone feel. But it wasn't a movement to ponder and watch in awe. someone spotted us and we started running again. As I was pulling it off, leading for me to rip the majority of the blah insect or whatever it was off.

Told my mum, and she agreed "where the hell does your brain come up with this shit?" I need cigarette and rest. I can barely function right now. I answered 10-20 phone calls while trying to sleep, because absolutely no one here will answer the phone if they're trying to sleep. They ignore it, even when they know an especially important call is coming. So.. I'm zombie dead. coffee is keeping me from collapsing. moo...

Attack on airport. part of vivid lucid dream

(Another dream from a while back, few years. Typed in zombie mode, ignore the typos)

eird dreams. had about 5 different dreams in a few hours bleh. the most interesting ones were the first third and last.. first one I was at an airport. was with a few people I knew(in dream because we went to this weirdo place together for 3 years,my dreams have long time lines). he was going with family to Hawaii for vacation and I was going for an interview of some sort. I hacked a little handheld so i could use an xbox controller with it while we waited lol. they ran out of seats for the planes because they had received a message that to just get all the seats filled and take off. friend's family made it but he stayed with me while they went first. a long with several other parents or guardians people around our age sticking around for next flight, and most of the airport was abandoned by staff which was odd. we all kinda ganged together walking since the airport seemed dead. quite a few of the planes were left as a result.. then we looked back and felt the ground rumble. smoke rising and heard screaming from a distance. heard popping, some girl asked what it was, fireworks? started getting louder, then heard a boom, a military hummer came from around the building far off, soldiers through ground floor terminal doors. two in the back said out loud "what the hell are they doing here? get em out!" -they can't man, not back that way. if they push back down the runway, they'll be coming soon- "better being a target than be crushed in a god damn building. they were talking to us and told us to walk with them. was only a handful of soldiers. it was grey enough to see everything but not with great detail. Then someone said stop. we all stood still.
 We could hear this faint sound getting louder. "Tink tink tink vreeeeeeueueu tink tink vreueueueu." one of them screamed out, "God damn it. Sly EMP! They're coming!" Within a second I saw something shoot over head and drop 50 yards(around that) down the runway and explode. They started yelling out things to each other while they hid and just jets and jets flew over the ground was shaking from them. a few helicopters i could hear but not see except for one that came up from behind the airport and started blasting a certain points to take it down. it was so loud my ears were hurting. one girl was just standing and staring in shock. i was pulling her hand to get down behind this luggage cart but she was just frozen. then, they started firing at the planes. I jumped up,grabbed her, and pulled her down. she started screaming with her face into my shoulder squeezing me moving her hands like she was trying to grab onto anything to save her life. they blew up most of the planes, half the airport collapsed. when the girl stopped screaming she was started crying. there were still someone jets flying overhead. heard a soldier yelling he fuck them up. another soldier(higher rank maybe) "that they didn't know if there was anyone in the airport or the planes, they're not discriminating or checking. they just want blood". i asked if anyone had a soda something with sugar. soldier rolled a bottle of coke to me "I busted a machine inside and took a few in case we'd be here long.." he had a little smile but then it went away "fuuuuuuuck!" and he kicked a piece of a seat cushion that was burning, unzipped my coat covered her with it. i got the girl to look up while she sat with her back against the cart arms around her knees, she was shaking like crazy. got her to start drinking the soda. since I remembered hearing that sugars help even you out with shock and adrenaline.there were flames around the area enough we could see each other and down the runway a bit. the soldiers were talking about meeting somewhere east, dropping us off somewhere that we could get out, I wanted to stick around and see what else would happened if i followed them. but then i remembered the girl, she was already flipping out and losing it I needed to stick around and chill her out.. friend was trying to using his phone. "Sly EMP man, not gonna work for at least 3 hours." someone from to the right of us said." friend said -what makes it sly? I know what EMP is, how is it they were still flying?" "if the chip board doesn't have a type of coil tuned to the magnetic frequency of the EMP it shorts out temporarily. no point frying tech you could use after you wipe em out..." wind started blowing harder. everyone got quiet for a bit. could hear the fires and see the orange glow. some soldiers had gone inside, ordered to look for a few food supplies to eat while we waited. they came back half hour or more with some bags. asked if we ate, said no but we're ok, they tossed us each a few of the bags with stuff in them. "the grills were gas, who uses gas grills in airports? made everyone cheese burgers. cooked fast so its well done, don't bitch and just eat." everyone ate slow. each bag they tossed us had 2 bottled water, 2 sodas, a few bags of chips some candy bars, jerky, and an extra burger wrapped up. we thanked them, asked where we should go as they got food and supplies for themselves situated. "safest way for you to travel and bee on your own would be east away from the city. 3 soldiers handed their pistols to us, said was for protection. we sat for a while, then they left wished each other luck. and we were by ourselves. we grabbed some wood from chairs in the building rolled a clothes in spilled plane fuel to help a little with seeing and we walked off.----thats the last part of the dream. lol to save you from the longer version xD the other dreams were shorter. but yeah lol

Interrogatives To Lost Personality (Observing people and ourselves)

How do you tell someone, without seeming uncaring or putting yourself on pedastal, that they aren't who you thought they were?  Or that the person they were only existed when the story that is their life "felt" perfect?  When any form of distress, uncertainty, or belief in a lesser scenario takes a beloved's personality and stores it away to allow a new one to take its place.. In what way can a single person's understanding of who someone is becomes the foundation of another's identity, or the very reason they wish to make it disappeared?

I feel I've seen and dealt with too much being an observer of people.  It's the reason why I believe psychologists are more messed up than their patients.  I've been like a counselor to a lot of people.  Walked, pulled, and pushed into many situations in which I've had to interact with people that were decent, cruel, selfish, crazy, you name it. Situations between friends, family, and strangers where I remember everything said and done on the winning side, losing side, even when both sides were right or wrong and they just wanted to battle it out just to try and be above the other. Now, how do you become so insightful seeing all this done, time after time, until you know exactly how this person or that person will act? How they think? And believe before they even do it to the point you know better than to allow them inside your own little bubble? We do this, then suspend those beliefs for a single person or several persons over time. Because of love? Trust? Gullibility? Maybe we're become tired how things are and want something different. We get lonely, and allow them to be at the center of life to distract from it even when you know they won't be around for long. Not only because you like them, as far as that expression can go, but they appear to be the someone who is most likely to help change what you've learned to expect and reshape the view of the world around, give it a new color.
We've all been guilty of expecting something more from a friendship or relationship, because past experiences have hurt us in a way that scarred and took away your ability to trust someone completely.  It's just as much human nature as leaving someone important to you behind when you hear something is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.  sometimes that person really is special, but they don't figure it out before it's too late.  Over a long time the job might turn out not to be once-in-a-life and they find something better elsewhere. Then in retrospect, they realize that the person they left behind was what was once-in-a-lifetime.
As I said, I'm guilty of this also.  I've had my share of friendships and relationships that I let go of for good and selfish reasons, looking back I wish I hadn't. Most people change for better or for worse, but some already have a perfect personality that needs no altering.  It makes me sad, and honestly uncomfortable, when I had a friend that I knew for many many years with a great personality before I moved away, only to talk to them years later and find out that they are basically a stranger with no personality that could even could a candle to their former selves.  I swear, I think some of my friends might be amazed that I haven't changed much personality-wise.  I still try to be the nice guy who always lets the person behind me cut in line. 1)What's the harm in it? and 2)I'd feel bad if I ended up getting something they actually needed more.  I do this too much I think.  a few people asked me why I'm so nice, as if i had some agenda or something(which is true. only a handful you will ever meet will be genuinely nice just to be nice).  I want to be nice just 'cause I want to be nice.  And I'm mean to point when I feel I really need to be to get a point across, but I'm way too nice for my own good.  Being too nice=doormat to 95% of people capable of understanding they could use it for their own benefit.
 Do yourselfs a favor, observe people, watch them, especially the rudest and the nicest ones.  Watch for the signs of being guinine at what they do.  genuine nice, they do not look at things with a sense of "what am I getting out of it?", they look at it first "what am I helping with and I hope I do a good job" THAT'S a truly nice person =) I'm not listening to people's problems for my own benefit(unless it's something I've never encountered. in which I use my 5 trains of thought and figure the best out), or doing things to help others for myself, I really could care less what's wrong with me mentally and physically. I'm amused it's taken this long and I expected far worse by now.  The way my body is action and little problems, my mum wants me to get a head scan to see if I have a tumor xD, but I don't care so much. I don't have a job or insurance and it would end up going to them if i did pass away and I WILL NOT leave them with a financial problem from me. anywho lol that was off topic. PERSONALITY- How do you let someone know they aren't the person you thought they were? answer:  You don't.  If they changed so easily, then it's safe to assume that the real personality comes out when trouble arises, similar to how the drunk that speaks his mind after an hour of straight shots but would never be so truthful while he's sober. the truth of a personality comes out when the times are rough.  Anyone can be happy when things are perfect. when things are falling apart and you still feel happy because you have something special that is more important to you, THAT is when you're truly happy.  And sadly, you can't be truly happy unless you know what it's like to be truly sad.  

So...ask yourself this.  Have I been truly sad to know what true happiness is?  And have I been truly happy to know what true sadness is?  And ask yourself, why is it that I can't seem to find a balance. it's always one or the other.  Think about it.

Humanity is the Ultimate Story of Moral Ambiguity

How do we define the word Human?  As a noun it is described as "A human being, especially a person as distinguished from an animal or alien";A member of the genus Homo and especially of the species Homo sapiens.  To me, that doesn't quiet sum it up.  Some believe our brain-to-body mass ratio with our large problem solving, forethought having, language capable, memory holding frontal lobe coupled with our bi-pedal movement is what defines us.  But still, that does sound quite it to me. The more I think of the people I've met, the people I know, the people I'm probably going to meet, I notice something that seems to encompass humanity throughout history...morality is and forever will ambiguous at it's core.

Whether boy, girl, woman, man, straight, gay, bi, religious, agnostic, atheist etc nobody will ever have a full understanding what it is to be moral.  And I don't believe there will ever be such thing as perfect morality since we didn't evolve to have as such nor would it ever be possible anyway.  Contradiction has always been  the running theme everywhere in our what we call human morality.  One rule that is universally known, and yet it's ignored on a daily basis by most people, is the golden,"treat others the way you would like to be treated".  Even in the holiest of holies(to religious people at least) texts of supposed "peace and love" religions of today and our long ago past, say it but never do it.  Time after time again, you hear it because it is said everywhere, but it's almost shooed off, ignored by even those who preach it.  I just don't see it anymore, not even in my own family.  Sure, people can do something nice for each other once in a while, but it has become so rare now to see someone help another or do for another and NOT have an agenda or expect something in return, even for the smallest thing.

The other day I noticed something, and it got me thinking of how people want rewards for doing something moral, or at least generally considered the decent thing to do. I walk to the store often, and on my way back I saw a poster for a family's missing dog.  I looked at it,  remembered how the dog looked and it's name, and started walking away.  My brain went "ooh, might want to check and make sure I remember the last area he was seen", so i went back and looked it over properly again.  I didn't even notice the fact it had big $$$ claiming a reward the first time I looked because it was the furthest thing from my mind.  To me, a pet is another family member.  And I find myself ashamed that our society offers monetary rewards to make sure people REALLY keep an eye open for kidnapped or lost family members.  Have we really sunk so far and let money be our reason for living? aren't you queezy in your stomach that we've gotten to the point we have to offer money to  entice our own communities to help bring a beloved family member home?

In my point of view, the moment you take a sound rule, such as 'the golden rule', and add it into humanity, it's immediately corrupted. every law, every rule, every regulation we know and have are man made and thus can never be perfect.  first of all, if we can't stop ourselves from being rude, crude, unforgiving, ruthless, insulting, greedy, liars, and everything else, don't expect anyone to treat you decently.  I think there should be 2 days a week where we sit and reflect as a people the reason why 'the golden rule' prepares us for interaction with one another.  But i want to be clear on this when I say NOT as a religious or cultural thing, but as a species.  Make it The 'Motto of Homo Sapiens' .  Just 2 days a week, where we consider that what we have is more than some have, less than others, how we need to treat others better, help others that have it worse, help even someone you don't like because that's how bonds are made and rivalries can break.  As soon as we think of only ourselves, and not at all about those around us, who we like, who we hate, that's when the real humanity dies. humanity is caring about others no matter their sex, race, sexual preference, god,gods, health, wealth, land, power, and being willing to give up it up to help save one another. by helping each other we help ourselves.  Once we learn that, truly learn that as a species, moral ambigiouty could disappear.

How Religion and Blind Belief Prevents and Destroys Perfect Relationships

(From a long while ago)

This note was inspired (and caused me to remember something in the past) because of a profile I saw. I was rated by a woman(more like a girl when it comes to understanding how she really sounded)on a site, so I checked out her profile also.  "About me" was typical.  Looking for someone who's a decent human being, doesn't lie, good virtues, all have seen this a million times.  She stressed on how she didn't want to meet or date people that didn't have good morals.  The last of list is the most revealing of her mentality, "above all else must be GOD fearing".  Does she not realized just how bigoted that makes her look?By putting that one sentence, she has revealed herself as caring less about those morals, good virtues, kindness, honesty being in any person if they don't blindly following something like she does. All of those good quality turn out to be a bit of cover to pretend she herself is a goodhearted accepting person. She's a bigot. And that bigotry will, and probably already has, caused her to not take up or have a relationship with many guys that could've been the greatest person she'd ever met or loved. I've given advice too many guys and girls about relationships.  But I can say with all honesty, the most disturbing and dumbfounding is the "religion" issue that I hear.  One question was from this guy on a site (the old MyYearBook). He was a christian and his girlfriend was an atheist. He told me that she was very firm in the fact that she would not convert, and he didn't know if he could be with her if she wouldn't.  He didn't said he couldn't see how it could work". I asked how long they had been together, he said about 4 months and gave me a quick rundown.He's said they both had never been as happy as they were together. I told him, "you enjoy the same things, you always wanted to be with each other, you're very close and respectful towards each other.He said at the beginning it didn't matter to him what she believed. That he was in love and she was amazing, it hadn't crossed his mind because he'd never been that happy. But then he asked what church she went to, and she said she was an atheist. That was when he was afraid to be with her because "he didn't know how he could be with an atheist".I was completely dumbfounded by this instant belief that he would have to even consider rejecting her. I asked him why he wanted her to convert. He said he was a christian and his family was christian. "What does that have to do with anything about you two? He actually said he didn't think it would work because she didn't believe, go to church. Again I asked, ok but answer the question, what does that have to do with anything?" He said he didn't know, it just felt like something might go wrong. I called him out, "what does she think about it?" She told him she loved him and he can believe whatever he wants, but she's can't convert or believe in something she really doesn't. She had no problem with people being religious as long as they don't harass her, tell her she's immoral or evil, talk trash about her behind her back and make up lies to pretend they're better than her just for not being like them or believing in something similar, but most of all trying to forcing her into it.Basically, she was fine with him being religious, that's his and his family's choice. But she didn't see that as a reason to not love him or that she can't be with him. That stuff aside, she loved him, not is religion or his belief, and unlike most Christians she'd met he was decent and actually kind. He on the other hand, had been brought up being told that he HAS to marry a Christian like himself because they are the only REAL good people, and everyone else is pretty much pretending they're good to trick people.That's how MANY Christians are raised, despite the overwhelming truth that they're preaching lies, bigotry, and hatred to make themselves feel better than they actually are. It's sad isn't it?He was conflicted about the situation because he could feel it deeply that what they brought him up thinking was completely untrue, because he loved someone who wasn't Christian, religious, or a believer in a deity, who loved and respected him. She was a good hearted kind person who wanted to be with him, but all the brainwashed made him believe falsely that anyone who would not covert immediately had to be a bad person.I asked him if she tried to convert him to atheism, he said not at all. He explained that they talked about religion without arguing, just discuss it because she likes to learn more about it even if she doesn't believe it.I pointed it out, "honestly, it's sad to think you're willing to throw a wonderful relationship in the trash, and reject someone you're so close to because she won't convert to whatever you want her to be. You want her to take away a part of herself, throw it away, and be more like you to make YOU happy. And at the same time, she saw you for you, loves you for YOU. Not the religion you profess, not how often you go to church, none of that. Before you knew, all you wanted was to be with her and her with you. Now you're the only one willing to see everything differently and turn your back on her because your family raised you to be hateful and judgmental of others.    He said, "It's fair to ask her to change for me?". I said how is it fair? Are you going to become an atheist? he said no of course. Not kowtowing to what you want doesn't make her selfish. And your take on it is showing you're biased, selfish, and hypocritical. You're saying "I only love Christians. I can't love non-Christians, that's immoral". But your atheist girlfriend says, "I love you even if we don't agree. I want you. That's what matters to me."He started to understand what he was doing, how she really loved and cared about him, and how he wasn't treating her very lovingly or seeing what was actually happening(he couldn't. The entire choice to brainwash someone to think a certain way to hopefully make them so brainwashed that can't even recognize they're doing something bad and claim it as good. Look at WBC and the kids that left. When they figured out how mean and cruel they were being, they had broke down in tears and left the cult)He actually admitted that he started crying because he didn't realize just how judgemental he was being without realizing it and was ashamed that his family made him blind to their bigotry.Told him that he knew what was right now, so he can correct himself. Show her how grateful you are for having her as she is, and her beliefs don't matter. I asked him if he loved her, he said with all his heart more than anything he wants to be hers. Told him love comes first. if you love each other, you're both good people, and treat each other kindly, nothing else should matter. He thanked me and said god bless me xD then he asked what I believed in, I said I was an atheist. Response, "LOLOLOLOL Thank you still anyway ;) god bless you still".

 I think if you're religious and read this, you should really take it to heart the truth of this story. It's not made up, it actually happened(I hate those bull chain letters/comments BLEH!)So many potentially amazing relationships that could be are stopped or prevented because of a biased belief that love is almost 'regulated' by religion.  You should choose based on the type of person they are not what their religion is.  It is considered petty to think,"we both have the same morals, but I choose to think mine are just BETTER because I'm religious, and since you're not religious you're not worthy of love, especially MY love. god wouldn't want me to and might punish me if I loved you or stayed with you".  and that's because the bible teaches untruth that non-believers are horrible immoral and only do bad things and they aren't capable of doing good deeds
Psalm 14
The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.”  They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds, there is none who does good."So apparently (this is to all my friends and loved ones), I'm an abominable unintelligent fool who is evil and do wrong to all of you, never good, never kind, only lie, corrupt. :| This is where you get to choose:A) the bible is infallible and I'm a horrible human being because a book told you to think so rather than going off what you know from experience.B)Yahweh "inspired" them to deliberately lie in order to spread hatred, which you'd have to believe your god is evil to spread lies about people just to encourage hate and convince people it's okay to be cruel and attack decent people.or C)The bible is not infallible, is not truth, is not history, and is invented by people not a magical being.In the end you have to choose one. If you don't, you're lying to yourself and leaving yourself open to be used and taken advantage of when an important choice needs to be made. Blind belief, blind believe in a god that lies to spread hate against good people, or the bible is false and you're not going to use what it says to learn what is good and moral.