Friday, January 24, 2014

Interrogatives To Lost Personality (Observing people and ourselves)

How do you tell someone, without seeming uncaring or putting yourself on pedastal, that they aren't who you thought they were?  Or that the person they were only existed when the story that is their life "felt" perfect?  When any form of distress, uncertainty, or belief in a lesser scenario takes a beloved's personality and stores it away to allow a new one to take its place.. In what way can a single person's understanding of who someone is becomes the foundation of another's identity, or the very reason they wish to make it disappeared?

I feel I've seen and dealt with too much being an observer of people.  It's the reason why I believe psychologists are more messed up than their patients.  I've been like a counselor to a lot of people.  Walked, pulled, and pushed into many situations in which I've had to interact with people that were decent, cruel, selfish, crazy, you name it. Situations between friends, family, and strangers where I remember everything said and done on the winning side, losing side, even when both sides were right or wrong and they just wanted to battle it out just to try and be above the other. Now, how do you become so insightful seeing all this done, time after time, until you know exactly how this person or that person will act? How they think? And believe before they even do it to the point you know better than to allow them inside your own little bubble? We do this, then suspend those beliefs for a single person or several persons over time. Because of love? Trust? Gullibility? Maybe we're become tired how things are and want something different. We get lonely, and allow them to be at the center of life to distract from it even when you know they won't be around for long. Not only because you like them, as far as that expression can go, but they appear to be the someone who is most likely to help change what you've learned to expect and reshape the view of the world around, give it a new color.
We've all been guilty of expecting something more from a friendship or relationship, because past experiences have hurt us in a way that scarred and took away your ability to trust someone completely.  It's just as much human nature as leaving someone important to you behind when you hear something is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.  sometimes that person really is special, but they don't figure it out before it's too late.  Over a long time the job might turn out not to be once-in-a-life and they find something better elsewhere. Then in retrospect, they realize that the person they left behind was what was once-in-a-lifetime.
As I said, I'm guilty of this also.  I've had my share of friendships and relationships that I let go of for good and selfish reasons, looking back I wish I hadn't. Most people change for better or for worse, but some already have a perfect personality that needs no altering.  It makes me sad, and honestly uncomfortable, when I had a friend that I knew for many many years with a great personality before I moved away, only to talk to them years later and find out that they are basically a stranger with no personality that could even could a candle to their former selves.  I swear, I think some of my friends might be amazed that I haven't changed much personality-wise.  I still try to be the nice guy who always lets the person behind me cut in line. 1)What's the harm in it? and 2)I'd feel bad if I ended up getting something they actually needed more.  I do this too much I think.  a few people asked me why I'm so nice, as if i had some agenda or something(which is true. only a handful you will ever meet will be genuinely nice just to be nice).  I want to be nice just 'cause I want to be nice.  And I'm mean to point when I feel I really need to be to get a point across, but I'm way too nice for my own good.  Being too nice=doormat to 95% of people capable of understanding they could use it for their own benefit.
 Do yourselfs a favor, observe people, watch them, especially the rudest and the nicest ones.  Watch for the signs of being guinine at what they do.  genuine nice, they do not look at things with a sense of "what am I getting out of it?", they look at it first "what am I helping with and I hope I do a good job" THAT'S a truly nice person =) I'm not listening to people's problems for my own benefit(unless it's something I've never encountered. in which I use my 5 trains of thought and figure the best out), or doing things to help others for myself, I really could care less what's wrong with me mentally and physically. I'm amused it's taken this long and I expected far worse by now.  The way my body is action and little problems, my mum wants me to get a head scan to see if I have a tumor xD, but I don't care so much. I don't have a job or insurance and it would end up going to them if i did pass away and I WILL NOT leave them with a financial problem from me. anywho lol that was off topic. PERSONALITY- How do you let someone know they aren't the person you thought they were? answer:  You don't.  If they changed so easily, then it's safe to assume that the real personality comes out when trouble arises, similar to how the drunk that speaks his mind after an hour of straight shots but would never be so truthful while he's sober. the truth of a personality comes out when the times are rough.  Anyone can be happy when things are perfect. when things are falling apart and you still feel happy because you have something special that is more important to you, THAT is when you're truly happy.  And sadly, you can't be truly happy unless you know what it's like to be truly sad.  

So...ask yourself this.  Have I been truly sad to know what true happiness is?  And have I been truly happy to know what true sadness is?  And ask yourself, why is it that I can't seem to find a balance. it's always one or the other.  Think about it.

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