Just realized that I haven't really done anything with this blogginess stuff. Might as well put some random stuff in here. Today, it'll be explaining the best I can how my dreams are, and how they affect me physically and mentally each day.
I've had lucid dreams since I was about eleven or twelve years old. When it first started happening it freaked me out. The first fully lucid dream I remember clearly was not a happy go-lucky nor was it pleasant in any sense. The sky was gray and white clouds moving extremely fast with the wind gusting in a semi-loud hum. Lightning would strike and a hazy light like an aurora would be created around it. The aurora would disperse from the bolts like charged particles and dissolve into greens and blues until it was gone.
A nice dream in the sense that I like storms, but later on being vivisected by dark cloaked figures on a stone table and having my organs shoved in my face kind of made it impossible to enjoy. Usually when having a bad dream where you fall, get eaten, something like that, you wake up from the trauma of it. But, my lucid dreams have never really given me that. I felt the cuts, felt the hollow feeling of muscles and organs being taken and my flesh sinking into my abdomen. All my senses were 100% and I woke up scared, freaking out, beginning to tear up happy that I wasn't there anymore.
Over time, I learned to control my actions completely, and understood that my brain/mind/etc kept things random, new, and unpredictable. Years pass, and some dreams end up being weeks long in dream-real time. I had a dream I was a rookie in the military special weapons group that were developing mechanical AI assisting suits (not like iron man, different.) I was a rookie, so they had me doing cleaning duty and such. A few months of that along with classes on suit operations, and I finally got to try the suit. A little while after I got the suit and ran a course, I really woke up. I was looking around wondering where the hell I was for a few seconds until zap, memory reboot, it was a dream. My senses are all functioning fully. The taste of food, feeling pain,
emotions, fatigue, all of it is as if I'm 100% awake, so even when I
finally pass out it feels like I'm just waking up somewhere else. I'm a
walking zombie because most of the time I rarely get any real rest
because of it. After so many years (I'm 26 now) it's driven me
partially crazy.
Many of the dreams are amazing. The stories I could write them would keep me busy indefinitely, but there's the problem of me being easily brought to boredom, and that my problems is I want to shut my brain OFF not turn it on and dig back into things.
When I was 17-18 I was prescribed two 5mg tablets of diazepam just to stop the dreams long enough to actually sleep. My body eventually got used to them and the dreams slowly started breaking through. Not sure if it's from the exhaustion or not, but I have had constant snow vision as long as I can remember. Everything looks like tiny dots vibrating as if I'm looking at atoms shaking, and molecules flying around. But anywho, it has taken its toll on me.
Very few things help me relax, and those things always either have consequences or aren't available to me. I started listening to ASMR stuff a while ago, and it's helping a little bit. Which I will give a shout-out and thanks to miss +Heather Feather for helping me reach knockout mode several times.
Hmm.. Guess that's all for now. It's 2:04am and I'm drained. Might make myself a cup of tea. A spot of tea for the walker. Have a good morning/day/night.. Good mornoonevenight people. Peace.
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